A Very Heavy Heart

There is this series of events happening all around my life right now. These events are so far from each other, yet they are the same thing. They both have to do with the loss of a precious life - a son or a daughter - either by choice or because they were taken from their grasp. I have two sets of friends who have recently lost their precious babies, and only God knows why. One girl friend of mine just commemorated the one year of her second child dying prematurely. That same friend also lost her third child within a year of the other one. Both were sweet baby girls, about 6 months in utero. I am absolutely dumb-founded as I think upon her situation. I literally cannot grasp why this would happen to a person, it is the greatest pain I can imagine. But not just once, TWICE, my sweet friend has had to go through this. It is heart-wrenching to think about. My other friend is an old friend from high school. We really don't talk anymore, but my husband and I learned yesterday that they delivered their baby boy two weeks before his due date, stillborn. Oh the devastation! I can't fathom being prepared and ready for this new addition to our lives, a blessing from the Lord, and then to see that taken away in an instant. Life could never be the same! It's not just a bad dream to wake up from and be comforted by. No, it was a very real baby who very literally was taken from the hands of his loving parents. There is no way to mentally escape from an event like this, these things truly happen. Then on the other side of us, my husband and I know two women who are pregnant and want nothing to do with this child. A series of events is what got them pregnant, and they were not prepared or wanting to have a baby at all, but regardless they have created a life. The Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord, an inheritance (Psalm 127). Though conceived in sin, that child still has a purpose and is still a blessing. The story with these two ladies is the opposite of my other friends. One of these two recently had an abortion to end the ties she had to the baby's father. The other one talked to us on the phone for an hour last night weighing out her options. To her, abortion is the only way out of this bad relationship. The dynamics of these four individual situations are.....just.....absolutely......crazy. I wish I had a better word than "crazy" to describe this. On the one hand, there are these loving godly parents who want nothing more than to have their babies safe in their arms. Then there's the other parents who want nothing to do with the life that is growing inside of them, the precious little life that is 100% dependent on its mother. We are pleading with this second mother to let us adopt her baby, to just wait it out 6 more months and then let us raise him/her. Yet, to this mother there is still something telling her that giving her child up for adoption is equal to ending its life. All of these things compiled together, all happening within about a month of each other, has really made me burdened. I believe that God has given me the gift of empathy, which sometimes feels like a curse. I truly feel deep pain when other people do. I can imagine being that person and all that they are going through. Given this gift, I don't always know what to do with it. All I can do is give my burdens to the Lord, and let Him work out every situation that I give to Him. I am still extremely heavy hearted right now and at a loss for having any more answers than, "Jesus!" There is all that tugging at my heart strings, on top of my grandma Miller being under hospice care starting last week. She has maybe 3 weeks left. My grandpa is absolutely sick with worry. After 70 years of marriage, I cannot imagine the pain. About 6 months ago my other grandma (Mom's mom) died of a stroke. Lots of pain going on my in family right now, but I am so grateful for my Savior. I am so grateful to know Him and to be able to rest at His feet. I am burdened that neither of my grandma's truly knew Him and trusted their souls to Him. (At least not that it was made known). Jesus thank you that I can cast my cares upon You, and that You care about me! Thank You for being the Comforter for those who trust in You. Thank You that You provide peace that surpasses all understanding. Please grant that peace to each of Your children that I wrote about here, and please grant me the peace to give this all to You. Help me to be the best mother and wife I can be, and to not let these burdens affect my loved ones. Thank You for being the life-Giver and that You know why each of these things happens.